Have you ever woken up from a terrible nightmare? Of course, almost everyone has had a nightmare. Some of us have them regularly. Mine are few and far between. Normally when I have a nightmare it happens to be one of my reoccurring nightmares.
This weekend I woke up with a horrible migraine so I went back to bed to sleep it off. I am not sure how long I was sleeping before I shot out of the bed in a panic. There I was out of breath and sweating while I tried to catch my breath realizing it was only a nightmare because I could hear my sweet baby giggling downstairs in the foyer. His precocious giggle and boisterous laughter led me to believe he must be tormenting the dogs.
I sat back on my bed near tears at the traumatic events my subconscious cooked up to scare the ever loving hell out of me. It was truly difficult to calm my nerves. My headache was gone but the mental torture was ever present and wasn’t fastly fading as most of my nightmares do.
I made my way down the stairs where my little guy was waiting for me with a huge smile and a burst of excitement. As I crossed over the gate at the bottom of the stairs I picked Brody up and wrapped him in my arms. I hugged him close and held tightly as I whispered how much I love him in his ear and that he is my favorite little Brody ever. It was hard to let him go but as Balto the puppy galloped through egging Brody on and he wriggled away to chase after him.
I sauntered into Sherman’s office to try calm myself further and tell Chris what happened. He was blown away by the terrible story. Though the nightmare must have only been seconds maybe minutes long it was fast and scary.
I walked down to the gas station to buy a fountain pop. A large Coca ~ Cola. It was supposed to be a quick trip. With the gas station less than a block away it should have only taken 5 minutes tops. After filling my soda I turned around to the counter where I could put the lid on and open up my straw. When I turned around I ran into a faceless/nameless person though I knew them well and apparently had not talked to them in awhile. We struck up a conversation and the chit chat lasted longer than intended. When suddenly I realized oh crap, I need to get back home. I have been gone far too long. This was just supposed to be a quick trip.I quickly paid and bolted out the door. Wait. Something wasn’t right. I could feel something was wrong. I looked up and it hit me…I dropped my pop and ran. I ran as fast as my short fat legs could move. I was there in an instant but my hands were like butter I was struggling with my keys. I couldn’t find the right one and the tears were blurring my eyes.My poor Brody was screaming, crying in pain as the flames were whipping out the window that is directly above his crib. My heart was breaking with guilt, pain, hurt and horrible, horrible pain knowing my sweet, innocent baby was suffering.
It was at this point I woke up in a panic. Even writing this now has me freaked out and my heartbeat is up. Though this clearly never happened and never would, this nightmare has literally scarred me for life.
Since this past weekend every time I look at my little guy a protective panic washes over me. I feel the need to cuddle more, kiss more, hug more and rock more. I need to keep him even closer. This nightmare has traumatized me.
I don’t know if I will ever get over this.
I know I would never be in this situation and the structure of my nightmare is unfounded as I would never, ever leave my son in a situation like that.
I know why this affects me so deeply.
When I was younger there was a family in the area that seemed to experience house fires yearly. We knew the family.
They had a lot of kids, they lived in the country, and they didn’t make a lot of money.
My parent’s friends owned land adjacent to theirs and they let us set up a decent garden out there next to their cornfield.
The family had another house fire. It was one of the worst ones and there had been injuries.
One of their kids was in the same grade as me. He wasn’t a friend of mine, I don’t think I had said more than 10 words to him ever, but living in a small town I knew all about him, and his family.
I had overheard my parents talking and knew there was a kid that had been hurt.
One evening months after the fire we all went out to tend to the garden and then head over to our friends family farm house and visit for a while.
When we pulled up we got to work and as we finished the garden we started towards the corn field when we saw the family.
My parents knew them so we stopped and talked. One of the older kids walked over with what looked like a blanket or laundry for the line. I looked away, probably to swat at a mosquito.
Then I heard my Mom gasp. When I turned around there was their baby, less than a year old.
He was bundled in bandage. He looked like a tiny mummy. The bandaging was tattered and drooping in spots. I could see the burns. His body was covered in burns. His face was swollen and dark red with blisters with a dazed look in his eyes.
That little guy wasn’t the only horrific detail that evening. When my parents asked what happened they opened up and told their story.
Thought it has been over 20 years since then, I still remember the story quite clearly.
The parents had gone out for the evening. The older kids were supposed to be babysitting. When the kids were sent to bed the middle aged kids started playing with matches. They were lighting paper on fire and stomping it out. Something got out of control and they were beating at the flames with something. They thought they had got it all and it was out. It wasn’t.
When beating at the small fire something had flown free and landed in the baby crib. The ember smoldered and slowly started a fire. Burning the baby badly before he was rescued.
The evening I heard that story and saw the baby it too had traumatized me.
When I woke up from my nightmare it scared me so badly because I remember that baby. His burns, his pain and what he must have gone through.
This was my nightmare from hell. My little guy, Poor Brody and his scream of torturous pain haunts me and has made sleeping very difficult.
I don’t want to sleep, I am scared of sleeping. I don’t want to go through that ever…ever again!
About Miranda Sherman
I have had dreams like that, and you wake up with such a heavy heart.
Stopping by from the Thirsty Thursday blog hop!
ive been having nightmares lately. maybe it’s the time change. but I know how my 6 year old feels when he refused to go back to sleep after his own nightmares. visiting from the thrusday hop.
I knew a woman who told me she would go grocery shopping during her 18month old son’s nap. She would LEAVE him alone in his crib while he slept and be 5 minutes away for 30 – 35 minutes!
I actually told her she was insane because I would get to the end of the block and fun back afraid the house was on fire!
I think it’s a common fear moms have of not being there.
I have had many nightmares that involved my children who are now 19 & 21. I have dreamed different things… someone kidnapping them and not being able to find them, drowning incidents and many others. It is awful… yes I am a worrier and although none of that really happened it still sticks with you for a while afterwards. I am hoping that your nightmare fades with time… and you start sleeping again soon. Your baby boy is precious! Visiting you from T4CT… Best Wishes!
Wow, that would be a horrible dream. I hope you can find a way to get past it and get some rest. You are going to need it to take care of your little guy!!
That made me want to go check on my daughter. Seriously. Seeing traumatic injuries is something that really effects me and I think the desire to go and take care of and treasure your son is the right reaction.
On a totally different note, I have been a quiet reader for a while, and actually stopped by today to tell you I bestowed the “Versatile Blogger Award” on you.
WoW! Thank you very much for that
enlightening article.